Within the syllables of a poem, I, Jenn Wynn, share where I am in 2023 in my healing journey, and the mind-body-soul unison that brought me to this point. I've stood at the crossroads of healing, where the convergence of past and future, pain and relief intersected. This season finale of The H.I. Note invites you, the listener, to witness my metamorphosis of internal growth and the discovery that our own being harbors key tools for our healing journeys.
Gratitude blossoms in the space created by heartfelt collaboration, and in this final episode, I extend my deepest thanks to the souls who've woven their talents into the tapestry of our healing podcast. From the phenomenal Producer & Editor Torrey Crosby to the amazing guests to the talented heroes behind the scenes to my beloved family and friends and to YOU, I acknowledge the symphony of support that has animated our mission. Join us as we close this chapter with an embrace of appreciation and a loving glance toward what's possible through more healing conversations.
Within the syllables of a poem, I, Jenn Wynn, share where I am in 2023 in my healing journey, and the mind-body-soul unison that brought me to this point. I've stood at the crossroads of healing, where the convergence of past and future, pain and relief intersected. This season finale of The H.I. Note invites you, the listener, to witness my metamorphosis of internal growth and the discovery that our own being harbors key tools for our healing journeys.
Gratitude blossoms in the space created by heartfelt collaboration, and in this final episode, I extend my deepest thanks to the souls who've woven their talents into the tapestry of our healing podcast. From the phenomenal Producer & Editor Torrey Crosby to the amazing guests to the talented heroes behind the scenes to my beloved family and friends and to YOU, I acknowledge the symphony of support that has animated our mission. Join us as we close this chapter with an embrace of appreciation and a loving glance toward what's possible through more healing conversations.
Speaker 1:
Hi everyone, welcome to the High Note Healing Inspirations from Life. It's Jen Nguyen here. This is the last episode of Season 1. I can't believe it. In today's episode, I share my poem that I referenced in my conversation with Nita but didn't include in that episode. If you haven't listened to the eighth episode with Nita yet, then you may want to do that first before listening to this episode. In this episode, you'll hear my poetry plus the context setting part of our conversation, and in that part you'll hear me speak briefly about my great-grandmother from the Dominican Republic. One small correction, though, is that I call her my tátara abuela. I should have said my bisabuela, perdóname bisabuela. I said in my introduction episode of the season, pulling from a James Baldwin quote, that my guests and I take off our masks together for the purpose of love, a word that Baldwin uses in quote the tough and universal sense of quest and daring and growth, and quote this poem is an example of my healing growth. So here's my poem that I referenced in Nita's episode, plus a few minutes of upfront context that you'll hear first. Together, the context plus the poem give you a feel for where I am in 2023 in my healing journey ready integrating many lessons across my life and breaking cycles from the inside out. Let's get started. I've only had a few sessions with Jay and in every single one talk about a mindset shift like my mind gets blown. I point out a stuckness in my body that connects to a stuckness in my heart, my spirit, my past, et cetera. So after maybe the third session, when I had one of these discoveries of the mind-body soul connection, I laughed because I've heard these words, I know these things conceptually and I lived and felt them differently after each session with Jay. And I should say Jay is not just a Pilates instructor, although that unto itself is amazing. Right, jay is also a musician. Jay is also does cranial sacral work like, has many, many modalities for listening and creating and sharing love in this world. So after one of the sessions I was reflecting on what I'd learned in the session a lot. And then I was reflecting on my mom's grandmother, so mom from the Dominican Republic. So this is my Dominican daughter-a-wela great-grandmother, whom I never met, but furthermore, my mom never met, but she's always felt a connection to her. She told me this whenever she'd walk by pictures of her grandmother as a child. She felt a pull, a strong connection to her and didn't know why. And interestingly, my mom is the first-born daughter after her grandmother passed away and in certain cultures there's a name for the first-born daughter after grandmother passes and son after a grandfather passes. So this is a known connection, right? Talk about pulling from bodies of wisdom beyond our own cultures. So I've been reflecting on the connections and questions in my family's lineage and I've been reflecting on the connections in my family's lineage and I've been reflecting on the connections in my family's lineage and I've been reflecting on the connections in my family's lineage and I've been reflecting on the connections in my family's lineage and I've been reflecting on the connections in my family's lineage.
Speaker 1:
Sharp knife up my throat, just left of center, dislodged from the right side of my heart, about 10% in from the right Midpoint between heart center and sternum. I breathed for in, seven out. She slipped right out, aware of my heart had gripped her tightly for centuries. I swallowed a sword to shield the family. It came right out Without a trace of blood, instantaneously lighter. I breathed to heal her. More air coming out. I could heave for real. Now my chest could empty and go concave. I am letting go. I can breathe more completely now that I am not holding the sword I swallowed to protect my family and had to stay rigid to make sure it didn't slice my heart in half. It's all within me, the way in and the way out. Am I my family's Pandora's box? Nope, things slash. I will be lighter, bloodless and more breathful after coming out. I have everything I need. Now is the time, and I am ready, integrated. And I'll say one other piece of context.
Speaker 1:
When the panic attack stopped, it literally felt like the wind, like a suction cup, and it felt literally like a knife went straight up my throat and out my mouth and it was so precise. It didn't hurt, but it was so precise. You know when you get an itch, like a tingle, a tickle in your throat and you can feel exactly where it is, but you can't reach it and you're like trying to get it out. The knife went through a spot as precise as that on the left side. So the relief was immense because it left. It not only took a whole lot out, it left like a clean hole from where it had dislodged.
Speaker 1:
And it felt in line with who I was as a child, growing up in a home that experienced domestic violence, where the violence was coming from. Someone much bigger than I was right, I was a child, this was a parent, and so it was as though someone bigger than me was wielding a huge sword. But I could tell they didn't have the emotional maturity or capacity to be wielding that sword. But I could also tell that I didn't have the physical maturity or capacity to combat that sword or remove that sword in any visible way, and so what I tried to do, like a little kid, was hide it. I got ahold of it, I tried to hide it, but I didn't know where to put it because I didn't want it to get found, and as a little kid, you don't own much, can't be like. Let me just take it to my storage closet up Atlantic Avenue. And so what did I do? I ate it, I swallowed it, and one thing I had was my body, and I held it tightly and knew enough not to move too much because otherwise it destroyed me. And those were words I could have never used, metaphors, language that I could have never put to the survival mechanisms I had used as a child and how they might be connected to the survival mechanisms of my ancestors, and that I might have been carrying a sword that was never mine to wield.
Speaker 1:
Thanks for sticking around for my love and learning reflection, my last one of the season. Wow, I did it and I feel really grateful to get to this point in my journey where I can share moments of healing with you all and have more healing conversations. So, instead of reflecting on this one episode, I'm going to do a closing reflection on this inaugural season, and it's going to have a whole lot of gratitude. Here's what I'm loving and learning from season one the bigness of love. Healing happens from the inside out. Gratitude so much of it. I'll say a little more about each of those three things.
Speaker 1:
The bigness of love I mean this on many levels. Conversation after conversation, I was blown away by what love made possible. Love in all its forms Love of self, love of others, love of mother nature, and on and on Kept showing up as a creative, generative force that opens up possibilities where there seem to be none before. It's the opposite of fear, which is a destructive and defensive force that shuts down options, and love is the one force that consistently seemed to be bigger than all the pain that my guests and I described. Love is so expansive and able to hold such complexity. I guess that's why they say love conquers all. Also, though, I see how acts of love produce more acts of love.
Speaker 1:
I knew doing this season would be an act of self-love, because I was finally living out a dream I'd had since 2021 and living more in my purpose. What I didn't anticipate was that each time I poured love into my guests, for example, I surprised each of them right before our conversation with three things that I loved about them. They would say that reflecting on this journey together was a part of their healing journey. Their sharing felt like an act of love being poured into me. I started the season off by sharing a James Baldwin quote about love, and I'll end with one, too. This one came to me from Igor right after we recorded the first episode of the season, which is fitting because I just said, love produces more love, and that's what I felt with this James Baldwin quote from Igor Baldwin writes quote.
Speaker 1:
The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love, whether we call it friendship or family or romance, is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other's light. Gentle work, steadfast work, life-saving work in those moments when life and shame and sorrow occlude our own light from our view, but there is still a clear-eyed, loving person to beam it back In our best moments. We are that person. For another end quote Reflection two healing happens from the inside out.
Speaker 1:
In multiple conversations with guests, it became clear that by each of us working to heal our own pain internally, we are creating space for others to heal externally too. So I'm curious where are you in your healing journey? Wherever you are, you are not alone, and I'm learning that when it comes to taking the next step in our healing journeys, we are not alone. My wish is that we can normalize healing, because it's necessary for creating the world we want to live in, a world rooted, hopefully, in unconditional love rather than fear. And my last reflection, but certainly not least, is gratitude.
Speaker 1:
I'm ending this season on a high note by sharing my immense gratitude for all the people who helped make this heart project of mine a reality. Thank you, thank you. Thank you to Tori Crosby, the phenomenal producer, editor and human without whom this inaugural season would not exist. There are no words, tori, to capture my immense appreciation, admiration and love for you. Thank you to the phenomenal guests of season one who so generously shared your inspiring stories and immense wisdom. Speaking with you has been one of the most beautiful and rewarding experiences I've ever had.
Speaker 1:
So I'll say thanks to each of you and, out of fairness, I'll do it in alphabetical order by first name Felipe Teoes, igor Lomansky, jay Grinnelli, jessica Neville, lacy, chisholm, lee Smart and Nita Baum. You are the best. Love you all so much. Thank you to the fantastic graphic designers, audio engineers and music producers. Thank you for making us look and sound great. Thank you to Team Healing Podcast.
Speaker 1:
These are the amazing loved ones in my life who volunteered their time and talent to get this podcast to launch when I wondered how I was going to make it. That includes my husband and the love of my life Damien Williams, my sisters, alexandra Wynn, alexis Wynn and Erica Wynn, my very first teacher and inspiring mama, maria Collado. My kids, who managed to stay quiet for many, many hours when I was recording episodes at home. Thank you, I love you Aria Florent, brian Collado, diane Leonard, felipe Teoes, carla More, kwame Awuzukesi, laura Moore, stephanie Ip and Stephanie Lillivoy. I appreciate you all so much and I could not have done this without you. Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me. There are more than I have time to list. However, my gratitude is infinite. I'm so grateful for each and every one of you and thank you, the listeners, for coming on this journey with me. I can't wait to hear about moments of healing in your lives and what is made possible for you through healing. Much love everyone.